Lonesome on a Rooftop

I just decided to do an photoshop doodle of self expression that's been floating in my head. It's the loneliness in my own current living situation that I can't realistically change right now. The blue part represents my dreams, dreams of going to a more magical happier world where I'd belong, dreams of returning to happier more adventurous days, dreams and hopes for the future which seems so far away. It's hope and depression mixed up into a ball, all the time.

Apologies, I'm gonna ramble about emotions right here so if you're here just for the art than by all means skip the reading~

Some days I'm so dang consumed by my thoughts that it's nearly debilitating. It makes it so hard to be productive. I can't start homework early, can't even start working on personal art ideas (took me 2 days to decide to start this one.). Just sit there thinking about all the things I could be doing in life at 24, should be making, practicing, finishing, even thinking about how I would do it, but can't start. So I watch tutorials and movies and read industry news to get inspiration and not waste time, but still don't start doing. I wonder how other people are able to be productive when emotions and dreams get in the way. Instead I just end up wanting to shrink into a shadow into a daydream and hope time passes by, so I'll wake up in some future time when things are better and I'm better. So even real life feels like something I'll wake up from. But I know it's stupid. So why can't I be more productive if I know I should? I used to be..  I think it's the opposite of the phrase, "Time flies when you're having fun." Naw, I like to stretch out and appreciate every second of a fun time if they come around, but it's the dreary days that seem to fly by in an instant before I was able to make use of it. Spent hours thinking stuff like what I'm writing now! I don't think I'll ever stop being a dreamer and I don't want to stop, but I really must learn to manage and work alongside it. Life is too short not to.

Sorry if that wasn't fun to read, or too irrelevant to the art, at least I'm glad I made something.

Anywho, at least the picture I made is a little fitting-looking for halloween? Specially since I can't do anything this year, but surely in the future when I live somewhere else and get a job I can get back into dressing up.